(no subject)

Hey Jesus, I cant be a Christian anymore.

Why not?

Because I have too many doubts.  And I’m afraid.  Sometimes I don’t trust you for my day let alone my entire future.  Somedays I can’t believe.

I know. 

And, sometimes I enjoy doing the wrong thing.  And I don’t regret it.  And sometimes, i even want to do it again.

I know.

There’s so many things I’m not good enough for.  If I tell people I’m one of yours, it will defame you. You’re better to stay disassociated.

I know.

And I want to be happy.  I want to be satisfied and fulfilled, and you want me to give control over to you.  I’m not sure if I can trust you to make me happy.  I’m not sure if you even want me to be happy.  

I know.

Sometimes, I dont’ think I even really know what it means to follow you

Yes. You do, my child.  Doubts and fears with an inkling of hope.  Messing up, coming right, messing up again.  Knowing that you’re never enough, but that I choose you.  coming back to me when you don’t know if you trust me, when you’re a tangle of confused emotions, when nothing makes sense.  Never stop coming.