ReflectionnoitcelfeR

See what I did there?  I made it up because this poem is a Reflection on my own reflections. And I thought I'd be clever and make a title where there is a reflection of "Reflection' to reflect the reflectivness of my own reflections.

My heart.

I saw that i was critical
that I pulled people apart
without love and
analysed their flaws
and worst of all, I was proud
of this.

I called it
"being honest" and
"not being naive anymore" and
"being a writer"

Then my conscience pricked me
and I thought I should
watch my mouth
to stop the criticism
rolling so smoothly
sharply
from my tongue.

But that would mean
living a lie
where ugliness is trapped
between my heart and my mouth, for
'out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks'
Produced in spades,
yet denied access to the world

so, I'm asking you, Jesus,
to change my heart

Then I noticed that I
got angry
when people misunderstood
and placed me in a tidy little box.
I got angry when I was used
and misused, and when
I felt helpless.

Far more angry than when I read
about abuse
and children being killed.
Far more than when I watched on the news
the story of a sex-slave.
Far more than when I was told
about thousands of babies
murdered in the womb.

I've got my priorites
'real mixed up'
it seems.

So, I'm asking you Jesus,
to change my heart.

I like to write
about feeling deeply
about thinking deeply
about longing for change
But it's much harder to
do something,
to say something,
to go a step further,
to share my inmost with
an unfriendly world.
People in poems are so much easier
to control.
sometimes I get scared that all my ambitions
will only go as far
as the page.

So, Jesus, while you're at it
How about changing as much as
you can?